Chapter Three: Voice Trouble
“C’mon, you banshee. Don’t fade on me!” I shouted into my microphone as I played Berryout 3. I was trying to help this really annoying chick do ‘research’ for her book. Basically, she sat on her behind all day in her stupid shop as she sent my character out on dangerous missions that she was too lazy to do. This game was old—but I had gotten a bunch of requests to do this game. I suppose they just wanted to hear all the new swear words I’d make up…but, hey, it was worth it. Berryout was my favorite game series. I was going to do it eventually, but I suppose sooner makes me happier, as well.
“Do you see this, people? Berryout Man is just trying to irritate the flip out of me. Too bad those guys didn’t have a shotgun. Maybe if they did, they could shotgun rain Berryout Man so he won’t be as stupid when he respawns.” Yes, yes, I do know how this looks—I’m playing a game, by myself, and yet I talk to myself like there are other people around. Well, I suppose there will be other people around, eventually, once I upload this. I have a few hours of gameplay on all the games I upload, so if I skip a day of recording I still have a lot of film to upload.
I sound like such a loser. But, hey, it pays the bills. I do not question it.
“OH NO, NOT THIS AGAIN,” I stated as some raiders came around a corner. “Forget this, I don’t have enough ammo. BOOK IT,” I turned the character around and tried sprinting away from the raiders. I continue this for some time, swearing, attempting to do things but I die each time, and attempt to explain that I was up all night and can’t think straight to the viewers. Emerald Mist Amulet (seriously, she won’t allow me to call her anything else. If I do, she won’t respond until I say either ‘Princess,’ or her full name. It’s so irritating) was doing who knows what in the apartment last night. I think there was a mouse or something, and she was using her hunting ‘skills’ to catch it. She wasn’t very graceful. Well, at least it beats having a cat around.
“What in the name of water are you doing?” Emerald asked as she came out of her room. I looked from her to the clock—and what do you know. It’s seven at night. Oh how quickly time flies by. I must have been recording for at least two hours now. I rubbed my eyes and made a mental note to remind myself to cut Emerald’s voice out of the recording when I edit it. I doubt that the highness herself would like to make a guest appearance in my videos. “Why do you keep fading over and over again…?”
“Because Berryout Man sucks.”
“I think you are the one who ‘sucks’, Firefly.” She stated, and I just rolled my eyes as I dodged a raider.
“Oh, bite me,” I stated without thinking, I glanced at her, the shock on her face was apparent—before she got this look in her eye, and I could tell that I was in trouble. This wasn’t exactly a great impression to leave her with on her third day here.
“I could arrange that,” She stated before going back into her room and slamming the door. I’m sure that the door slamming could be heard with the mic.
“Mee-oww to you, too,” I rolled my eyes again. “Somebody didn’t get their beauty sleep.”
Several days passed since then, and I soon learned about all how Emerald has been living under a rock her whole life. You would not believe how helpless that girl is. When she needed her dress washed – I swear, that’s the only thing she wears, except for my shirt when her dress is being washed – I told her to use the washing machine and she stared at me until I pointed her in the direction. When she went over there, she took one look at it before asking me what it was. The girl really has been living under a rock. She didn’t know what music was until I started playing some for her. She frowned and went, “This is not music,” as soon as somebody started singing.
Apparently the music she’s used to is single instruments—piano, harp, other older types of music instruments. She didn’t know how to work the shower, either. Thank berry she knew how to clean herself, though, because there was no way in heck I was doing that for her. I think that those markings on her face are tattooed there – they refused to come off, no matter how many times she took a shower. I don’t think she minded, though, she liked it.
It was the start of her second week here when the reports started up.
They were subtle news and radio reports, at first. They all said pretty much the same thing—that there was something up with the vampberries. Some issues going on with their leaders. I instantly knew that they were referring to Emerald’s disappearance. Only the news reporters didn’t know that. The vampberries were becoming desperate. Usually they always held a strong front. That they were showing cracks that they weren’t flawless…it just proved that they had exhausted all of their other options. Maybe to the point of the extreme where they would enlist in the help of mortals.
But…the question was….why did they want her back so badly?
“What are you watching?” Emerald asked. I jerked forward, fumbling for the TV remote and I shut the TV off before I turned towards her. She was leaning against the door to the bathroom.
“Just some news, Mera.” I responded. I have been calling her Mera a lot lately. I accidently slipped up once while calling her name—it came out Mera instead of Emerald. Honestly, once the name was out of my mouth, I realized that, to me, she looked more like a Mera then an Emerald. And it was the only way I could shorten her name. Em just sounded too…foreign. Mera seemed perfect for her.
She frowned at me, wrinkling her nose. “I prefer Emerald Mist Amulet.”
“We don’t always get what we want, princess.”
Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no… I yanked at my hair, pulling it down. This wasn’t good at all. I logged onto BerryTube to upload some more videos—today’s stack of videos—and my “Berryout Walkthrough Part 25” had the most views I’ve ever received – almost a million. I clicked on it, almost astonished that it, out of everything else got the most views. I began by reading the top two comments:
“What in the name of water are you DOING?” – Best line. Evar
Which was immediately followed by the second top comment:
“Oh, bite me,”
“I can arrange that,”
THAT WAS FLIPPING LMFAO.
Oh no. I continued to scroll through the rest of the comments. Most of them consisted of “Who was that chick?” “Maybe she’s Firefly’s girlfriend…?” “That chick is @#$^&%$ funny. Like, what is air? You need to have her in more of your videos, bro. She’s a pure genius”. After a while, they started blending together, pretty much all of them the same thing. I watched through the entire video, and it seemed all more real when I heard it myself…Mera’s voice asking me what in the name of water I was doing.
I must have forgotten to edit her voice out.
I slammed my head back down on the keyboard. I had gone four years without even picking up another razor – but the itch to pick one up now was almost overwhelming. My head shot back up. I didn’t own any razors…but I had a few knifes in the kitchen that would work just nicely…
“…Firefly?” A voice asked, and I jumped, turning towards it. Mera was standing by me, looking quite confused.
“Are you alright…?” she asked, uncertain. “I heard your heart rate pick up…”
“I’m just peachy, Emerald,” I stated as I lifted my head up to look at her. “I forgot to edit your voice out of the recording.”
“Er…what recording?” She asked, and I realized that I never told her what I do for a living.
“I do game walkthroughs and put them on BerryTube—a site where you can upload basically anything you want—and the day you walked in and asked me about something in the name of water, I was recording. I meant to edit your voice out so you wouldn’t get caught by your little royal buddies. The video with your voice in it has almost one million views…er, beyond one million, now.” I said, sitting up more.
“…Why would you want to upload anything to a site? I mean…what is a site?” She asked, and I sighed out of frustration before I started laughing. She bit her lip, and I instantly stopped laughing. She didn’t like it when I laughed at her when she didn’t understand something. “Sorry. I’ll explain that later. But you might get caught because of me.”
She looked at me for a few more minutes before she slowly started shaking her head. “No, I doubt it. If I have never heard of this…’site’ before, I doubt any of the royals—My parents, the guards, Crimson included—know about it, either. I think I am safe. But…could you explain this ‘site’ to me more?”
After I explained BerryTube—and the internet—to the best of my knowledge, I told her that I make money off of the videos. I get paid for every hundred views. She seemed to understand this, and the concept that with more views, I get more money.
“I do not understand why you think that would be a bad thing,” She giggled. “I am technically helping you make more money—”
“Oh my berry. That’s it,” I stated, jumping up as I interrupted her. She tilted her head at me.
“What do you mean, ‘that’s it’?”
“You, Emerald Mist, are pretty much broke. And, you aren’t sure what you want to do yet, which could actually benefit us. Before you figure out what you want to do, you need money to pay for whatever it is you want to do. I have an idea. Why don’t you do some videos with me? For every video you make with me, we’ll split the profit from it. What do you say?”
She seemed to consider this for a few moments, before smiling – showing off her fangs – and nodding enthusiastically. “Yeah, I like that idea. I appreciate the offer,”
I stuck my hand out, and when she stared at it, I grabbed her hand and shook it. “You and I have a deal, then, Mera,”
She frowned. She hated it when I called her that. “It is Emerald Mist Amulet.” She hissed at me. It took all my willpower not to laugh, or even smirk.
“That’s too long, sister. Mera it is.”