Gen 4 ~ Firefly ~ Chapter Six

Chapter Six: Silent Wish

After a few more weeks, I still hadn’t been able to tell her. I hadn’t had the time—in between recording and her disappearing for most of the night, out in the town ‘exploring with friends’ as she called it, I barely saw her. It’s not like in the middle of recording I could be all like, “Hey, Mera, by the way, I really like you. Would you want to be my vampberry girlfriend?” or right before she left for berry knows where, “Mera, before you go, I just wanna say I like you. More than a friend.” Hahaha—yeah, right. Like that would ever happen. So, instead of voicing my feelings, I went on pretending like everything was normal.

And I will make sure to keep my distance

And, for a while, normal worked. I kept pushing my feelings aside, and the more I pushed them to the side, the easier it was to just…pretend they weren’t there. I didn’t want to create an awkward tension if there was no need for it.

A month passed by, and I still didn’t tell her that I loved her. I didn’t want to jeopardize everything by those three little words. I also was afraid of one, tiny little word that had a huge meaning. Rejection. Nobody wants to be rejected, but, for me, I’ve been rejected my whole life. It wouldn’t be any different if Mera did it…but, at the same time, it would be different. It would hurt more if she rejected me because she held the key to my heart..

As time went on…the urge to tell her almost overrode every aspect of my being. I couldn’t hide anymore—I was going to tell her, despite the unknown outcome.

Say I love you when you’re not listening

The more I thought about it, the less I began to worry about it as I realized something. For once in my life…I actually had a good feeling about this. A really good feeling. When I was with Mera…I felt alive. So alive. And, in her presence, I no longer felt the need…the urge…to hurt myself. It was like she took away every single doubt in my mind…every single bad thought just didn’t exist when she was with me. I felt so free.

And I wanted to tell her exactly what I felt.

~~~~~~~~~~

“I am going out tonight. See you later tonight,” Mera said as she headed towards the door—looking rather…different. Not like for when she’d go out and do go hang out with her friends. Her hair was, yet again, different—but it was still covering her tattoo, and for that I was relieved. She was still wearing a dress; she never did get out of that habit. I think she even had some makeup on—more so than she usually has.

“Hey, Mera, wait,” I said, and I stopped gaming and recording. I stood up, and started walking towards the door.

“Yeah, Firefly?” She asked, stopping with her hand on the doorknob.

“Would you like to go somewhere tonight…with me?” I asked, feeling extremely self-conscious. I could feel my heart rate starting to accelerate, and I tried to will it down. Mera tipped her head to the side—a sign that she heard my heart accelerate as well.

She quickly righted her head, and smiled at me. “I thought you would never ask!” She exclaimed. “Where are we going?” Just those two sentences almost made me stop. Was she trying to tell me something? It mattered not – I pushed through that thought. I couldn’t allow myself to read too much into the situation; I hoped for the best, but I had to prepare myself for the worst.

“That, little miss, is a surprise,” I stated as I open the door for her.

~~~~~~~~~~

“We have traveled a bit of distance…where is this surprise that you want to show me?”

There was this place in the hills I wamted to show Mera—sometimes I used to come here when I was an angsty teenager with a dark secret. But now I’ve laid nearly all my cards out on the table for Mera to see…I wanted her to see this one last card before I revealed the biggest card of them all. “It’s just up ahead, not too much farther,”

Please don’t stand so close to me; I’m having trouble breathing

“We’re here,” I said, not even five minutes later. The place looked exactly like it used to when I was younger. My second to last card was still a stunning, colorless structure with hints of turquoise in the pillars. The pond was still…well, a pond. Mera gasped beside me, taking a few steps forward.

“This is…absolutely stunning.”

Just like you, is what I didn’t say. Instead, I said, “I thought you’d like this place. I used to come here. It was so peaceful.”

Mera was automatically taken with the moon dancing on the water, reflecting the full moon back at us. She was also taken with the flowers that rested on the pond shore, being drawn to the purple ones. Despite her color being green, she loved purple things.

Last but not least, Mera made her way onto the stone pavilion. You could just tell, she was glad that I decided to bring her here. She smiled, looking at me. “If I had a sanctuary like this when I was younger, I would have never left this place.”

“Surely you’ve seen more interesting things before,” I casually started, “I mean, you are a princess. You must have seen some more incredible things than this old place.”

“Was a princess,” she corrected sternly, but her eyes told a different story. Her eyes were playful, compassionate. “I suppose one could say that I have, but, I honestly think this sanctuary tops all of it because—” she immediately cut herself off.

“Because?” I prodded, not so quick to let her off that easy. I was curious to know what she was going to say, regardless if I could understand it or not. Sometimes Mera spoke in such a way that I would have no idea what her point was. I supposed that’s what happens when you’re taught to act like the olden days.

“Because you showed it to me,” she whispered, finally meeting my eyes.

I give you everything I am, all my broken heartbeats, until I know you’ll understand

I froze. Was she saying what I thought…? Or was I overanalyzing things? I suppose that is completely possible, considering I overanalyzed Genoa’s feelings for me when I was in high school—I wouldn’t be surprised if I was overanalyzing this now. I had to play this cool. I forced a smile at Mera, disappointment seeping inside of me. I couldn’t get my hopes up, not just yet.

And I keep waiting for you to take me

In that instant, Mera smiled. That one smile took away all previous doubt that I had a second ago—her smile was warm, welcoming. And I knew exactly what I was going to do.

You keep waiting to save what we have

I was going to tell her, and I wasn’t going to chicken out.

“There’s a reason I asked you here, Mera,” I started off, the words coming out mashed together and too quickly. I took a deep breath before continuing. “I have something to tell you.”

Her eyebrows rose. “You do?”

“Indeed, I do,” I said, my throat feeling dry. It was like my body was on lockdown—I felt like I couldn’t move.

So I’ll make sure to keep my distance

“Firefly…? Are you alright? Your heartbeat is going crazy,” she asked, worry crossing her face. Slowly, my joints began to ease up, allowing me to breathe. Breathe, Firefly, breathe. You can’t tell her if you fall over and fade right here.

“Yeah, I’m alright. Anyways, as I was saying—” I started again, but was almost immediately cut off by Mera.

“Oh my berry! Look at that!” Suddenly, Mera was dragging me towards the side of the pavilion, pointing in the sky. I followed her gaze just in time to notice a shooting star.

Say I love you when you’re not listening

“It is beautiful,” Mera said, her eyes following the path of the star.

“You’re supposed to make a wish when you see one,” I murmured, finally getting words out. Mera looked over at me shortly before looking back towards the sky. Mera slowly closed her eyes, possibly wishing. I have no idea what came over me—it might be because how beautiful she looked under that full moon, or the full moon itself—that made me do it, but it didn’t matter. The adrenaline was in my veins, making my next action completely out of character for me. I slowly leaned towards Mera, and pressed my lips to hers.

And how long can we keep this up, up, up?

Mera pulled back, shock clearly written on her face. Slowly, she gingerly touched her lips with her fingers before she met my eyes. The glance she gave me nearly made me stop, but I forced the words out before I could regret it. “I love you, Mera,”

Mera’s eyes seemed to reflect all the stars along with the moon in the sky. You could see it in her eyes—she was surprised. Slowly, she broke out into a shy smile. “You…you really mean that?”

I nodded. “I really do mean it, Mera.” If there was one thing I was certain of, it was that. I loved her. I loved her without a doubt.

She hesitated a split second before asking, “Are you a mind reader?”

The question had taken me aback. I just kissed her, and confessed that I loved her…and she’s asking me if I’m a mind reader? “Er…no. Why?”

“Because when I closed my eyes and wished on that star, I wished for you.”

Make sure to keep my distance, say I love you when you’re not listening

How long ’till we call this love, love, love?

“Well played, son, well played.”

Distance – Christina Perri